things you learn the first time your baby gets sick.

teddy's hair gets extra curly when it's wet from sweat. i learned this from his fever breaking.

there's nothing more heartbreaking than waking in the middle of the night to the sad, raspy cough of a baby struggling to breathe. this is teddy's first time getting sick, (with the exception of teething fevers once in a while), and i hate it so much. mothers who've dealt with this with even smaller babies- i'm sending you all my love. it's so much hard, sad work.

the past two weeks of sickness have taught me things: i'm capable of holding teddy on my chest in the recliner from midnight to 6:30am without getting more than 20 minutes of sleep at a time for multiple nights.

i've learned that during a period of sickness, laundry adds up 10 times as fast. this is partly because i'm focusing on on my sick baby, putting me behind on household tasks, and partly because of extraordinary amounts of snot and poop getting on things by the hour. at one point i realized there wasn't a single clean swaddle in the house, and we have an absurd amount of those things.

i know the nose frieda disgusts many people, but when it helps your baby sleep at night, you'll do whatever it takes. that product is genius, and i love it.

i've never regretted giving up breastfeeding more than the past few days. if i could go back and force myself to make it work, just so i could nurse teddy during this illness, i would. i even pulled the pump out of storage after i quit 2 weeks ago.

the cuddling is so sweet. he rests his head on my chest and softly repeats mamamamamama to calm himself down. it makes me happy, and yet, so so sad.

when it gets really bad, and it seems the world is about to end, a warm bath will fix it. we've had at least 2 a day for almost a week. the lotion we use keeps him from drying out, and he forgets all of his troubles while he's surrounded by the warm water.

visiting the doctor, (after being cleared by your dad who is also a doctor) is 9 out of 10 times unnecessary. it still makes you feel better, even when they tell you exactly what your dad says they will. facetime can only do so much, right? i am so not the parent i thought i would be.

seeing teddy smile and laugh with a runny nose and hoarse cough makes me feel like he's the ultimate example of optimism during frustrating circumstances. i can tell he feels miserable, but seeing his bottle and a pile of books makes his face light up. why can't things like that make me happy on a healthy day?

anyway, we're struggling over here. i'm getting over my cold, teddy is in the middle of his, and gideon has just started his own. good vibes are welcome. if you need me, i'll just be sanitizing everything in our house for the rest of the week, and trying to decide what to order for dinner.

i hope your tuesday is significantly healthier than ours. xo

in love with lorena canals

having a baby has really made us re-evaluate the washability of the things we purchase. when i see something with a tag that says dry clean only, a little part of me wilts inside.

people warned us about this, and like a true idiot, i chose not to believe them. "you don't understand," i'd silently think in my head. "my baby will be cleaner than average." to my defense, i'm married to a man who is the cleanest person i know, so i get why i thought teddy would never make a mess.

* did i ever tell you guys about the time we were on tour in college and when we were staying in a hotel, gideon's roommate legitimately thought that the maid service had come in and cleaned the room while he was sleeping? (it wasn't maids. it was gid. lol.)

anyway, i thought teddy would be uber clean, and while all the other mammas talked about things like blowouts, i'd be teaching him how to correctly fold fitted sheets.

there's nothin' like thrown up sweet potato, and yellow baby crap everywhere to bring you back down to earth. babies are messy. they throw up, blow out, and manage to scatter anything everywhere. washability is a big deal.

when i heard about lorena canals, a company based in europe who makes machine washable rugs and cushions, i remember wondering why someone hadn't thought of this sooner, and thinking they were going to make a fortune from mamas like me who need everything to be easy to clean.

lorena canals offers various sized rugs in many different colors and shapes. we chose to get the galetta gray with a white star cushion, and we've loved having them in our home.

(i also love their world map one here, their british flag one here, and this one that looks like it has lace edges.)

lorena canals also has the most incredible black and white home collection coming to the states in a few weeks. are you swooning yet???? i'm swooning.

anyway, teddy has spilled everything from baby food, to crackers, to (ahem) pee, on our rug, and it's been so nice to know that i'm only one easy machine wash from having it in perfect condition again.

here's a peek of a day in our lives with lorena canals:(with the help of my sweet friend libby and her cute babies)

take a peek at their website, guys. you won't regret it!

xo

this post brought to you by lorena canals.

things i don't want to forget.

that time the ocean water touched teddy's chubby legs for the first time in his little life, and he couldn't decide if he was thrilled or horrified. i can't stop laughing at these shots from my phone.

the time mimi and i were sitting in a hot tub with 4 or 5 other people, and she curiously chirped out, "is it true that you go pee pee in the ocean if you really need to? mama says you do..." 

(everyone else in the hot tub looked interested in the answer as well.)

early mornings when the babies were happy and the beaches were ours.

visiting aulani with this bunch. 

how mimi and gid would run away from the waves like it was the best game on the planet.

the time teddy had two blowouts while he and i were flying solo home, and there was no changing table in the airplane. (i'm forever grateful for the 50 year old sisters who were sitting next to me, and couldn't stop laughing about it.) *no pictures for obvious reasons, ha!

i hope you're having a nice night. xo

hawaii pictures!

as i'm putting this post together, tiny snores are whispering next to me on the bed from my baby. i can't wait to join him. this trip has been so exhausting for our whole family, but i feel like the memories will be worth it, right?

this was 5:30 in the morning.
my eyes are closed, because i'm still half asleep, ha!

in the waterfall pool. (that poor moose pacifier was way out of his preferred climate...)

that smile!

the sweetest grandma offered to take our family picture, and teddy couldn't get enough of her.
he's been such a friendly baby this trip. 

YOU GUYS HIS TOE.

i hope you're having a nice tuesday.
xo

vacation. or, i understand now why people don't take their kids on trips.

waving with his big toe!

i didn't realize how different summer vacations would be with a baby. i thought you do all the same things you normally do, only now you have a happy, smiling baby on your hip while you're doing them.

oh, pre-teddy alyssa. you naive little flower blossom.

we've been staying inside a lot more than i thought we would, because as it turns out, teddy still needs naps in hawaii. he got sick yesterday, and i've never been so grateful for baby tylenol in my life. also- he's still on boise time. he's up and ready to go at 3:30am every morning. vacation. (i mean, it's still nice here, obviously..)

anyway, i'm just saying i get why my friends with kids don't always bring them.

we took these pictures at 5 in the morning. the early morning is the time teddy is the happiest here. he loves the sand, and he's giddy when the ocean water touches his little legs, which is so sweet.

if i didn't have gideon; a dedicated early bird, i think i'd cry myself awake every morning. i am so so tired in these pictures, but i think when i look at them, i'll only remember how happy teddy was, and how fun his first visit to the ocean was.

i miss how we used to vacation; not worrying about naps, or meals, or waking up a snoring little baby bear. seeing teddy in swim trunks makes it worth it, though. most of the time.

i hope you have a good sunday.
xo

teddy's starfish toy
teddy's whale toy
teddy's outfit

11 months.

hello, chubby cheeks.

you give me butterflies.

hi chestnut hair.

you make me swoon.

hi, raised eyebrow.

you make me laugh.

hi, pouty lips.

you break my heart. 

(but not enough for me to not take a picture...)

hi, winsome smile.

you melt my heart.

hi, chubby hands. 

you make me marvel.

hi 11 months.

xo

a giveaway with usborne books! (closed)

it's no secret that books are one of my favorite things to collect for teddy. gid and i started reading to him when he was less than a month old, and we'd joke to each other that we were instilling a love of literature in our (snoring) newborn. keeping up the tradition of reading to him in the morning and evening has led to him loving books, which makes me feel like a warrior mom. (most days i can't remember the last time i showered, there's lean cuisine warming up in the microwave, and i'm pretty sure i forgot to pay for car insurance for the past 2 months, but my kid loves to read, so take that perfectionism; who needs ya?! mic drop. moon walk. exit.)

this two sided cloth book about a family of owls has been so sweet.

one of the things i love about books is that they last longer than clothes (especially newborn sizes, ugh).  i also love that every book we buy is potentially one we'll use for other kids we may have. building an awesome children's library seems way more a worthy investment than a lot of the other things screaming at me to buy them on the internet.

so when my dear friend from college, carrie- an usborne consultant reached out for a collaboration, i was thrilled. who doesn't want/need more books?! even if you don't have kids yet- this is something you can't start too early on- i wish i would've started my library years ago since books can add up, and i want them all.

we were sent four different books from usborne, and i was so impressed with the durability and quality of the materials, especially for the price. teddy is in puppy mode right now, and his chompers are ruthless when it comes to biting things. he's been gnawing on these books for almost a month, and they've endured beautifully.

my favorite usborne book of ours is from the "that's not my" series. we have the book "that's not my fox" written from the perspective of a little mouse looking for his fox friend. each page has a different texture that teddy can investigate (bite), and i love the colors and illustrations. there's a million other titles in this series if you're not into foxes, though- ha!

carrie's involvement with usborne is fairly new; we were laughing about how sales isn't something she thought she'd ever get into, but she's been able to make a steady income as an usborne consultant (which gives me major life goals-- to be able to support my family and stay at home with three little ones!!) and she and her husband are going on a cruise in a few weeks completely paid for by usborne's trip incentives! so awesome.

this is another thing i love about companies like usborne- i'm able to help my friend support her family (as opposed to going to barnes and noble or target). if i'm planning on investing in a library anyway, it makes me happy to know that my money is going to help good people that i love. what a cool way to not only touch the lives of children through reading, but also to give to your family.

---------------------------------------

for this giveaway, carrie is generously giving away any new title of the winner's choice! (new titles come out in about a week.) she's also offering free shipping (via refund) on any orders over $100 or more now through the end of june.

entering into this giveaway is super easy:
just leave me a comment telling me why you want to win, or which book you'd choose,
 and head over to carrie's usborne VIP facebook group.

(extra entries if you're a follower of my blog, or the blog's facebook page!)

she does a lot of cool giveaways and shows cool new books that have come out, which is awesome if you're passionate about keeping your kids engaged with reading at all different levels.

here's a little video i made of usborne being a part of our life:

i tried to focus on the detail of the books, 

since that's my biggest hang up in ordering online versus in person.
i can attest to their quality and longevity!

this giveaway will end in seven days. good luck!!
thanks again, carrie! xo

(giveaway closed. congrats to jenny h!!!) 

things happening.

this month he turns 11 months, which is so close to a year that it baffles me. does anyone else feel like he should be around 6 months by now? that cliche thing people say about it going too fast is so true. (except when he's fighting me putting him down for a nap-- i could stand for that to go a little faster...)

the first week in may he laughed so hard that he (happy) cried for the first time, and it felt important enough to write about so i can remember. he's a serious baby for the most part, but he's also incredibly ticklish. poor little guy. he gets that from both of his parents.

he's started standing for a second or two at a time without any help. it stresses me out.

i told myself i'd pump for a year, but i feel like i'm hanging on by my fingernails. i simultaneously am determined to stick it out, and desperate to give up. how long did you pump? is it worth it? will someone give me permission to give up, or motivate me to continue? i'm producing 2 ounces a day which feels insignificant and pathetic, and well within my rights to quit. also, i hate pumping.

this is his "hey girl" wave.
i'm obsessed.

we cut his hair. did i tell you guys about that? we did, and a part of me is devastated. how could i let someone cut those magnificent wispy, fine locks? and how can a haircut make a baby look like so much less like a baby, and so much more like a toddler?!

guys, i have bruises all over my body. my arms, my cheeks, my shoulder. he bites like a baby siberian husky, and i struggle with how to discipline him. when i sharply tell him not to bite me, he giggles, coos, and then snuggles with me. when teddy bit me at church, this guy looked at me like i was the biggest pushover mamma in the world and muttered, "are you going to do anything?" i didn't know how to respond, so i sheepishly smiled and shrugged. i'm not going to smack my baby for using me as a teether. i spent the next 15 minutes alternating thinking about jesus and hoping the guy has a brick fall on his head at some point in his life. it's a balance.

the other week a woman at the store looked at him and knowingly said, "let me guess, 18 months?" when i responded by saying "haha, he's 10 months," she just said "woah" and walked off. people are funny.

i've taken a step back from writing the past few weeks because honesty is exhausting me. sometimes i don't realize how i've been feeling until i see the words i'm typing, and then i wonder if i'm over-sharing, or if it's a bad idea for me to be so vulnerable on a social platform. i imagine that everyone who visits my site rolls their eyes and thinks cruel things, and it makes me feel like i should delete everything, hide in my covers, change my identity, and start my life over as a beautiful, super thin, happy person; too confident, attractive, and self assured to be hurt by anyone else's opinions. and then i remind myself that people who troll the internet are miserable and unkind because of things that have happened to them, and spend their time actively trying to make others feel bad, and i shouldn't worry about what they think.

and then i try to pump myself up, insisting that i'm confident, attractive, and self assured.

and then i eat brownies because even though i shouldn't, i can, and they are delicious.

i hope your june is starting off beautifully. xo