the perfect little t-strap. (discount code inside!)

one of my biggest goals for the new year is being more selective of the things that i buy. (not only for myself, but also for teddy and our home.) over the years i've caught myself buying things for the wrong reasons and then i find myself with a shocking amount of excess in my life.

so, new goal: only buy things that i love. i've noticed such a difference already. dressing teddy is so much more fun when i know that everything in his closet has been carefully and thoughtfully purchased. (it's made me love getting him ready for the day, and i know i've saved money by not mindlessly raiding online sales.) 

 a few months ago i came across this small business called mon petite shoes, and they make the most beautiful shoes for babies and toddlers with simple and elegant lines and design. these shoes have soft soles, allowing little feet to grow and develop while still offering support.

i actually gasped when i opened my package from the mail. they are gorgeous.
(i think they're actually even better in person. i can't seem to take a picture that does them justice, and i'm always getting questions about them when teddy wears them.)

julie, the founder of the small business (nicest person ever, btw) began making these shoes for her two little girls in 2014, and since then her shop has grown to offer two darling styles in about a dozen colors. we have both the t-strap and the oxfords (both in the cognac color because i cannot even handle it). these shoes are handmade with love, which sounds cheesy until you've touched them with your own two hands and have convinced yourself that you need all of them. i dare you to buy just one pair, guys. double dare.

showing a little thigh, ha!

so going back to my goal- only buy what you love. when i slide teddy's chubby feet into these shoes, when i see him running with his funny little toddler shuffle in them, i feel like they're making already beautiful memories even more beautiful for me. they're the kind of thing i'd keep in a memory box- something for his kids someday to wear. i have zero buyers remorse.

also- i have a tiny pair of the t straps sitting in a box labeled baby #2, and i'm not embarrassed about it even a little bit. (also not pregnant, in case you're wondering. that box won't be opened for a while, ha!)

you can get yourself a nice little discount using the code happypear15! big thanks to julie, for making such darling shoes, and to her kind assistant jenn for being so lovely to work with. we love this company and these shoes so much!

xo

real life.

i've spent too much time looking at screens this week. i can tell because i'm feeling quiet, lonely, and tired, and like my life is only okay. (which is ludicrous, because my life is amazing.)

teddy has started this new screaming thing. not cute squeals of delight. no. he does a blood curdling scream when he doesn't get his way. it makes him shake angrily, and sometimes he even throws himself onto the floor prior to, or following it. i tried ignoring it for a few days, and recently have started giving him 2 minute time-outs when he does it, which is showing slow progress. (now after screaming, he stops and quietly says to himself "no no no.")

i've been so off lately. i've been feeling achy, light headed, exhausted, and (heads up- TMI) my chest has been sore. i took one of my leftover pregnancy tests, and after seeing the clear negative still couldn't let it go. sure that i was peeing more than usual, i convinced myself the test may be old and went out to buy one of those early detecting pregnancy tests which also declared a clear negative. i spent the rest of the afternoon confused and frustrated by my disappointment. wasn't i just telling myself that teddy is driving me nuts and there's no way i could handle another baby right now?

there's nothing like two freshly failed pregnancy tests to make you sensitive to the abundance of darling baby pictures on social media. it's all i could see yesterday. and when i didn't see cute baby things, i saw beautiful pictures of thin pregnant women, or world traveling supermodels, or incredible white farmhouses, or professional dancers, and with every scroll of my finger i saw only what i felt i didn't have in my life, and it wasn't until i turned off the screen and cleared my head that i was able to acknowledge how ridiculous my feelings were, and that the pictures i'd been looking at were designed to make me feel that way in order to drive sales and clicks, and how stupid i was being to fall into the trap of comparing myself to that part of the internet; a fantasy land that is endlessly tailored, nipped, and tucked. i know this.

so no, i don't look like a zen yoga instructor on a strict diet of lettuce and chickpeas, and no, i don't live next door to my parents or my sisters (or anyone) who can watch my baby for me at a moments notice so i can fly to nyc spontaneously to watch hamilton for a night, and no, i don't have a nanny, or a cook, or a cleaning person to keep things at home under control while i go and pose for pictures taken by a skilled photographer that make me look like i casually have my perfect life together. i don't have those things; because that's not real life.

you know what i do have? i have a toilet full of pee right now, because i don't want to flush and wake my napping baby. i have a vase of dying sunflowers sitting on my kitchen table. i have a pantry with cookies inside and the thighs to back it up. i have a sink with dirty tupperware in it that i refuse to wash because i think that dirty tupperware is the worst. i have the most perfectly imperfect house that needs new windows, a new front door, and also has a leaky sunroom ceiling. i have an internet browser with plane ticket searches, an email my mom sent saying she and my dad are visiting next month, and several full online shop basket tabs open, waiting for me to commit and press "finalize order". i have a cable one bill, and a parking ticket sitting next to the computer that i still haven't paid because i like to wait until the last minute, because that's me living on the edge these days. i have two failed pregnancy tests in my bathroom trash can.

i have a sweet toddler who screams right now, and it drives me crazy. i have a husband who holds my hand, hogs the covers, is willing to clean dirty tupperware, and is the love of my life.

that's what's real. and important.
my little family is all that matters.

take that social media strategists.
xo

things i don't want to forget.

in case you haven't heard- utah and idaho are getting record amounts of snow this winter, and i. am. so. over. it. today when we rolled out of bed at 9:30 (thanks, teddy!) it felt extra calm and quiet, and i knew- i knew before i pulled the curtains open that there was a fresh layer of snow on the ground.

the past few weeks the snow has been irritating me, and i begrudgingly decided we should play in it for a few minutes this morning. teddy loved it. it improved my mood a little. getting outside is important.

it's time for me to buy a new pair of boots for him, and i'm a little devastated. he's growing too quickly.

thanks for the fun morning, sweetheart.

xo

teddy's boots

resolutions.

if you think resolutions are stupid -i hear ya loud and clear- but just keep scrolling to something else, 'cause i like 'em.

i like the thought of a clean slate. the thought of starting fresh.
the thought of myself making goals to not eat donuts for all three meals.
(that one didn't make the list this year. hashtag priorities.) 

so here- take 'em or leave 'em.
my 2017 resolutions:


simplify.

in 2017 i'm looking to majorly reduce the unnecessary things we have in our lives. those curlers that i haven't used in 2 years? DI. the box full of my 10 thesis drafts? recycling. (i have digital copies of them backed up, anyway. why am i so attached to them?!) i want to go through every item in this home with a fine tooth comb and really analyze the value it brings to my life. i'm hoping to be more selective about how i spend my time; say "no" to projects that i don't feel passionate about, and television programs that are obvious garbage. (all eyes on you, bachelor.) i'm looking to be more critical of what i buy, and decided to make a rule that i'm allowed to get anything that i want (within reason of course) but i have to be in love with it. i've bought too many dresses from anthropologie that were on sale and i only sort of liked, you know?

focus.

i've decided to dedicate 2 hours a day of undivided attention to teddy. no screens. no camera. no cooking. no laundry. no dishes. pure teddy. nap time is going to be exclusively dedicated to class preparation and collaboration deadlines, and once he's asleep, i'm allowing myself time to be all lazy and netflix and chill-y. i'm in the process of organizing a calendar that will help me rotate schedules to help keep our small house well cleaned and maintained. i'm happier in clean spaces, and have decided it's worth it to make a real priority. i also want to focus on drinking water first thing in the morning and with each meal, and getting 8-9 hours of sleep (and charging my phone in the living room instead of on my nightstand.)

chill out.

since having teddy i've caught myself getting swept up in bursts of anxiety (i talked about it in this post), and it's affecting my life in such a negative way. my last resolution is to go easy on myself. if i'm late on a deadline for a video collaboration (which i happen to be right now), i'm going to try to not hate myself for it. if the class i teach at bsu has an off day, i'm going to try to shake it off instead of convincing myself that i'm the worst teacher on the planet. if i step on the scale and catch myself heavier than normal, i'm going to try to look in the mirror and see something other than a number. when the week is taking forever, and i'm failing at the whole cooking/cleaning/getting out of pajamas thing, i'm going to remind myself that i'm doing my best, and if anyone thinks it's not enough, then they sound like a jerk who would suck to hang out with.
i'm going to try not to care about what people think, and i'm going to try not to endlessly compare myself to whatever i see with a pulse. i stress out too much over things that don't matter at all, and i'm going to try really hard to be better, because the people in my life (and me. especially me!) deserve better.

we might be a month in, but i'm starting my resolutions tomorrow 'cause i'm chill and i can.

happy 2017, people.
xo