i know exactly what i would do if i didn't have kids, and other things on my mind.

i get confused when people say, "my life had no meaning before i had a child", or "i don't know what i would do if i didn't have kids". what is that?? are you bragging? are you trying to make childless people feel inferior? i don't get it. i'm not trying to be snarky. i really don't get it.

ps- i know *exactly what i would do if i didn't have kids.

i'm not hiding my face to be artistic.
 i'm hiding it because i look like a swamp creature.

i feel like i can't have nice things anymore (even the nice things i already own). i wore a favorite top to a reception last weekend and teddy threw up all over it mid conversation with the bride. thank goodness the room had romantic lighting. i should've been like, "oh you sweet little baby," but i was all like "noooooo teddy, this is silk! how could you?!!"

gid and i decided to branch out with our food choices (we've been eating way too much chic-fil-a lately-- but it's so close to us!) and i ordered a semi-spicy peanut thai dish. after nursing, teddy promptly went through a 44 package of diapers in like 30 hours, you guys. it was brutal.

the fall colors are so nice right now, and i've been getting all bummed out that winter is coming. it's hard enough feeling isolated when it's nice outside. i've got kind of a bad feeling about the next few months.

last night i had a dream i was pregnant again.

i still get horrible anxiety on sundays. it's actually gotten worse since we moved. i dread church, and i miss my old ward really badly. i didn't think that would happen. i thought i hated utah drivers enough to not miss anything about utah. but i miss a lot of things. unimportant things. like shopping. it's stupid, but it's true.

i was trying to figure out why utah has such excellent shopping on the ride home, and i decided it's because mormons have extra cash on hand from not buying booze and tobacco, so they spend all their money at nordstrom. maybe? that's my theory.

i can't decide between two extremely similar colors for the canopy of my stroller. one is red, one is coral red, and i'm stupidly agonizing over which one i should buy (now i'm thinking i should just get black because it's safe, ughh). i have such an easy life if these are the things i think about. (if anyone wants to tell me which one they think is better, i'm all ears. be a pal, would you? seriously i need you.)

is it only tuesday? i wish it were friday so i could hang out with gid all weekend again. it bugs me that i miss him so much. i feel like a high school girl obsessed with her boyfriend, waiting impatiently for football practice to be over so she can hold hands, and maybe make out underneath the stadium.

* exercise, read books (for more than 10 minutes at a time), get a job, work really hard at it, get really good at it, and make a lot of money, travel, shower, and go to target, or out to eat, or to a movie whenever i want.