things you learn the first time your baby gets sick.

teddy's hair gets extra curly when it's wet from sweat. i learned this from his fever breaking.

there's nothing more heartbreaking than waking in the middle of the night to the sad, raspy cough of a baby struggling to breathe. this is teddy's first time getting sick, (with the exception of teething fevers once in a while), and i hate it so much. mothers who've dealt with this with even smaller babies- i'm sending you all my love. it's so much hard, sad work.

the past two weeks of sickness have taught me things: i'm capable of holding teddy on my chest in the recliner from midnight to 6:30am without getting more than 20 minutes of sleep at a time for multiple nights.

i've learned that during a period of sickness, laundry adds up 10 times as fast. this is partly because i'm focusing on on my sick baby, putting me behind on household tasks, and partly because of extraordinary amounts of snot and poop getting on things by the hour. at one point i realized there wasn't a single clean swaddle in the house, and we have an absurd amount of those things.

i know the nose frieda disgusts many people, but when it helps your baby sleep at night, you'll do whatever it takes. that product is genius, and i love it.

i've never regretted giving up breastfeeding more than the past few days. if i could go back and force myself to make it work, just so i could nurse teddy during this illness, i would. i even pulled the pump out of storage after i quit 2 weeks ago.

the cuddling is so sweet. he rests his head on my chest and softly repeats mamamamamama to calm himself down. it makes me happy, and yet, so so sad.

when it gets really bad, and it seems the world is about to end, a warm bath will fix it. we've had at least 2 a day for almost a week. the lotion we use keeps him from drying out, and he forgets all of his troubles while he's surrounded by the warm water.

visiting the doctor, (after being cleared by your dad who is also a doctor) is 9 out of 10 times unnecessary. it still makes you feel better, even when they tell you exactly what your dad says they will. facetime can only do so much, right? i am so not the parent i thought i would be.

seeing teddy smile and laugh with a runny nose and hoarse cough makes me feel like he's the ultimate example of optimism during frustrating circumstances. i can tell he feels miserable, but seeing his bottle and a pile of books makes his face light up. why can't things like that make me happy on a healthy day?

anyway, we're struggling over here. i'm getting over my cold, teddy is in the middle of his, and gideon has just started his own. good vibes are welcome. if you need me, i'll just be sanitizing everything in our house for the rest of the week, and trying to decide what to order for dinner.

i hope your tuesday is significantly healthier than ours. xo