teddy's nursery.

hi. i'm too tired to exercise, and teddy is napping, 

so i'm going to upload pictures of his nursery

we've lived here over a month, but we're still in the unpacking stage. blegh.

we actually have a second living space upstairs (with two big closets and a sink), but when we saw how much space our bedroom had, we decided to share the room with teddy rather than give him the loft. i'm so glad we did. i love having him as a roommate. 

there's still a lot i'd like to do with this space (like find a way to store his ever growing library of books), but this is how it looks for now. 

isn't this little blanket the sweetest?

i fell in love instantly when i saw it.

i don't want to sound too crazy, but these black out curtains are the best thing in the world. 

cute too, right?!

i know i have some pink stuff here and there. it's okay. he'll be fine. i buy girly things constantly just in case by the time (if ever) we have a girl the stuff i like is gone.

i had no idea that i bought so many piratey things. isn't that crazy? it's a little pirate shelf!

how do you guys store books? i have a closet full of them. next project.

crib/dresser

nyc taxi blanket

black out curtains

all stuffed animals/pirate

pink goose blanket

cloud mobile (on sale!)

things annoying me today.

1. the fact that i cannot stay on top of laundry. endless loads. when did that become a thing?
am i seriously writing about laundry right now?? who am i????

2.  my relationship with breastfeeding and pumping. i'm perpetually either frustrated because i need to pump so often, or horrified that my supply is out. (pick a side, alyssa!)

3. when i feel like i'm being patronized. if you've experienced being a mother that's great and amazing, but it doesn't mean you now hold all keys to every one else's experiences. i welcome a little advice here and there, but don't tell me what it's like to recover from a c section if you haven't had one, k? especially if you're a man. i'll cut you.

4. how clingy teddy is today. he wails if i put him down (just for a second to grab a diaper to change him), and then is happy panting with tears in his eyes when he sees me two seconds later.
ok, now that i'm thinking about this, it's actually really sweet, adorable and not annoying at all....

5. my best friend (canadian) moved back to the u.s. (yay!!) but now she lives even farther away from me. it's like one step forward and two steps back. i just want us to be next door neighbors, is that too much to ask? is it??!!!

6. also it's monday. which means i've lost gid for the week. does anyone else spend time trying to think of ways to make millions of dollars from home? i'm like, "skills, skills, what skills do i have?" and then i get distracted with spit up, laundry (angry fist shake) and the fact that i've eaten nothing but popcorn and powerade for 48 hours. and then four minutes later i'm all "lets online shop!!!" and then i remember that i'm brainstorming ways to make money, not spend it. then i make myself some popcorn. i'm hopeless, guys.

7. when a load is finished, our washer sings a song, and our dryer makes a loud obnoxious buzz. whoever designed them never had a baby. i've tried getting ahead of them, but it's no use. i equal parts love our washer and dryer and want to bash them both in with a hammer all the time. I'M WRITING ABOUT LAUNDRY AGAIN. my life. (sigh) this is my life now.

8. i miss my family so much. i've never been so homesick in my life. maybe moving to texas wouldn't be the worst thing in the world...

okay, i guess i'm glad i got that out. i need to write a post about all the great things going on this week to counterbalance this one. sorry universe.

lets do this, monday.

giving up on blogging and other stuff.

he doesn't want to sleep lately, and i'm annoyed and jealous by it. if i could nap anytime i wanted and have someone change my clothes, feed me and wash me, i'd ride that wave all the way home. then again, he's not allowed to eat cake yet, and i am, so maybe my life isn't so bad. hashtag the grass is always greener.

it was gid's birthday yesterday, and i feel like he needs a do over. both of our birthdays and our sixth anniversary (plus a move) are within the first 3 months of teddy's little life. which means we don't really celebrate as much as wipe spit up off of ourselves and steal a smooch every now and then. i just pretend spit up is an expensive facial cream these days.

being a stay at home mother is more lonely than i thought it would be.

i've started following a bunch of fashion bloggers on instagram. i don't know why, since all i wear oversized t-shirts and socks these days. it's fun to live vicariously, i guess. hopefully by the time i start wearing real pants again, this flare jean trend will have passed. hashtag nope.

teddy on my lap right now.

the other day i decided i don't want to blog anymore. (i just hate that word: "blogger". blegh) i decided it's too hard to keep up with it, and it's time spent that i could be napping. or eating. no, exercising! (that's right alyssa, blame your blog on not losing the baby weight.) also, it's not like a ton of people read it. also people can be jerks. there's a lot of frienimies out there.

but i don't write for other people so much as i write for me. hashtag my blog is my therapist.

sometimes it feels like i don't know how i feel about anything anymore. gosh, i need a nap.

teddy has been sleeping (read: pretending to sleep) on my lap while i've written this post. i'm getting pretty good at typing one handed. i used to always attempt to put him in his crib when he dozed off. not anymore. hashtag i'll take what i can get.

it's gently raining right now, and since we have a skylight, there's a soft pitter patter in the background as i write these last few words. maybe the white noise will help him sleep longer. the view from where i'm sitting is pretty nice right now, after all...

2 months.

...can we talk about how teddy was the size of this bear
when he came home from the hospital?!

teddy is getting so tall. i never thought i'd have a tall baby.

he's been crying more than usual lately. we just passed two months- i think that's a growth spurt or something like that, right? he's also showing signs of teething (sobbing emoticon). i hate not being able to just give him pain meds, which is funny, because i never took meds until i had him. now i see how awesome they are, and i want to spread the happiness.

speaking of medication, my incision still aches sometimes, and i take tylenol for it every now and then. i really thought i'd be done by now. i can't touch the scar, it's still so sensitive. was that the case for the rest of you c section mamas? i wish i would've taken it easier when it really counted.

i get how people get addicted to pain medicine. i used to think that was so strange and silly (strilly?) now i get it. if i could buy percocet over the counter, i'd do it in a heartbeat, so i could do things like exercise or take a dance class without getting anxiety. i did that jillian michaels 30 day shred for a week and had to take a break because it was too much. it's a pretty basic workout, and i was already modifying so that was a little discouraging. i just want to fit in my cute clothes again.

the other day teddy had a blowout while i happened to just be wearing an oversized t shirt (no pants), and when he spilled out of a his diaper, i seriously thought for a moment that i was crapping myself. so warm, that poo. there was another time that we were both napping and he legit woke us both up by filling his diaper. i used to be so proud of him for bowel movements. now i'm like, "i get it, you're really good at this..."

he smiles and coos while i change his diaper after a blow out. that's considerate of him at least.

we went to the balloon festival (the evening one). i don't know why i suggested that. it was fun (for the first bit), but i started getting worried about teddy with it getting colder and the crowds and smoke made me uneasy. next time he'll be older, and maybe we could do one of the morning ones instead. gid snapped a nice picture on our way out. when we look back years from now, maybe we'll remember it as being more enchanting than stressful.

i have such incredible friends. checking up on me via email, text, or phone call. sending packages. visiting and chatting. dropping off "anonymous" care packages at my door (i know that was you courtney- it had your thoughtful consideration written all over it). i've been sort of second guessing myself as to whether moving back to boise was the right choice, but then i look at what kind of people i have here (friendships that have continued just as strong even with my four year absence), and i feel like our life is pretty great. i do miss salt lake shopping. thank goodness for the internet.

anyway, that's all for now.