9 months.

yesterday he turned nine months. it feels like all of a sudden he's so much bigger than i'm ready for. i feel like i'm in slow motion and everything around me is happening in fast forward, and i can't keep up with the plot line because i'm still trying to figure out what to eat for lunch. (spoiler alert- it's going to be a cheese stick and some toaster strudels.)

he's so independent. the other day i was watching him, and had an abrupt realization: he's not a very cuddly baby. there's just too much to explore. the only time he wants to cuddle is in the middle of the night, when he's managed to convince me to bring him to bed and he's nestled between gideon and i. am i a bad mother for secretly being excited for him to get a little bit sick so he'll get clingy? (as i'm reading that, i'm pretty sure the answer is yes. whatever. i'm still excited. what would that even be like for him to not want me to put him down??!)

he loves reading books, and it makes me so happy. most of the time i feel like a garbage mother, but my kid is crazy about books, so that's one for the win pile, right? he's going to yale, right?

last week i baby-proofed the crap out of our apartment, and i'm starting to feel better about not hovering over him at all times. i think we're both relieved about that. he loves it when he realizes i'm at the other end of a room; he gets a horribly mischievous smile and starts crawling as fast as he can to a location where i can't see him. how is he already so sneaky? and how does he know to go for the most dangerous things first?

he gives high fives, and says "mama" when he's annoyed. i'll take what i can get.

yesterday, the first thing i did was take a deep breath, take off all of my clothes, and stand on the scale to weigh myself. i'm 4 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. i'm still not in a place where i feel awesome about my body, but i'm counting 4 pounds over at 9 months as a victory. especially considering all of the delicious junk i like to eat. does anyone have a jogging stroller i can borrow for a month? sigh. mamma needs to exercise.

he reminds me more and more of gideon. there's something about his facial expressions, and the way that he smiles that gives my heart flutters. part of me realizes that i'm his mother, clearly biased and that i just can't see his imperfections, but another part of me feels like he's crazy handsome and just kind of flawless.

when teddy was a few weeks old, i remember talking to a mother in my church with a 10 month old, and thinking it was bananas how big her baby was. i'm totally that mom now. how does it go by so fast, you guys? 9 months?? i'm speechless.
xo

teddy's outfit
teddy's sleep dock