update

a dear friend of nine has the sweetest little boy and after giving me a hug, he leaned in, put his hand on my abdomen and whispered, "so, is there another little baby in there?" kids, man. so honest.

i had a dentist appointment for the first time since before grad school. i know. it's bad. but dentists scare the bejesus out of me, and i've convinced myself that as long as i don't swear at strangers and take good care of my teeth, heavenly father will help me not need to go. gideon doesn't believe that's how it works. (oh ye of little faith..) anyway, when the hygienist asked me why i hadn't come for a check up while i was pregnant i told her i loved my baby and i wanted to protect him. she didn't laugh. (ps-the dentist told me i have beautiful teeth, and said he can't believe i haven't been in for so long. he's totally my favorite dentist i've ever had.)

my milk is running out and it's frustrating and a huge relief all at once. frustrating because i really wanted to be so so good at breastfeeding (like nursing my baby while i was out for a jog good), and relieving because if my milk runs out, i don't have to pump or keep hoping that maybe teddy and i will finally figure out exclusive breastfeeding.

i'm crazy about this time of year. the lights. the smell of pine. candles glowing. family. there's nothing better.

sometimes in the early morning gid and i will bring teddy into bed with us and he loves it. he sleeps so much better with a warm body next to him. i've been flirting with the idea of crawling into his crib with him because i'm pretty sure the mattress we got him is nicer than ours and i want him to enjoy it.

i never understood why people would get caught up in comparison via social media until i spent my days at home with a newborn and started using instagram for more than the filters. there are so many cool (and thin!) people out there, and they do interesting things, and take beautiful pictures, and live these incredible looking lives, and i'm over here in frumpy pajamas wishing i was living in an alternate universe where i'm super good looking and photogenic all the time, and have a talented videographer follow me around documenting my carefree hashtag blessed life. then i hear myself thinking and i'm like, "girl. get a grip. go read humans of new york and clear your head."

humans of new york always helps me see how good i've got it. especially right now with the interviews of syrian refugees. it's incredible how social media can change lives. thank goodness for the helpers. i'm lookin' at you, brandon.

a few nights ago gid and i watched a christmasy russian film and it was so weird and good and made me miss college.

christmas is next week guys.
nuts.
xo