lately.

before we went to DC, there was a day last week that teddy refused to sleep (zero minutes- he normally takes two naps!), and i ended up being the one who had a meltdown. i didn't realize how important that nap time is for me to recharge. when gid finally got home, i raged about what an incompetent mother i was, and asked why wouldn't teddy sleep when he was so obviously exhausted, and begged him for me to please go to work in his place tomorrow, and please please could he go get some food for us because remember how i'm incompetent?

gid, ever calm and centered somehow managed to settle teddy down, and in what i swear was less than a minute, had him snoring happily- which should've made me coo in adoration, but in reality just pissed me off. after he put teddy in his crib, gid sat down with me, and encouraged me to tell him about the good things that happened that day.

you know what's the worst? having an optimistic sweet husband when all you want is to watch the world burn.

my incision has been bothering me again, and i'm guessing it's because teddy is in this stage where he loves to kick, and trample right on my abdomen. a few nights ago i had a horrible dream that it ripped open, and woke up with my heart pounding, and my scar pulsing. i still can't believe it happened. i can't believe i had a c section. (ps- i had a doctor look at it, and everything looks normal.) 

i started teaching last week at bsu, and am equal parts thrilled and petrified. i want so badly to be excellent, and i felt like i just could've been better. in the middle of prepping some combinations, one of my students wrote me an email thanking me for class and saying that she's so excited, and for a second i remembered how teaching can be so fulfilling instead of just being an anxiety-fest.

i gave up on lost, and a mere week later, like a dog returning to it's vomit- went back to finish it. it was excellent. i loved the way it ended, even though not everything was resolved, and that stupid time travel section drove me crazy.

annnnnnnd now i've watched the first season of stranger things, and i have feelings about that now. like i really want to have telekinesis powers.

the house is coming together slowly, and i'm falling in love with every last inch of it. these bathroom floors are making me so happy tonight.
xo