update

we're getting better at breastfeeding. which means my nipples are in perpetual agony. i bow down to all of you mothers (breastfeeders or not). this is so much harder than i thought.

confession: sometimes i eat lunchables in the wee hours of the morning. i'm equal parts embarrassed and "judge me if you want to, i really don't care". also i can't get enough watermelon. are cravings supposed to still be going on after you deliver?

teddy insists on staying clean, which i love.

here's a picture where he actually fell asleep mid bath. are you in love as much as i am yet, friends?!

a lot of people warned me that this stage of having a newborn would be hard on mine and gideon's relationship. i know it's still early in the game, but i'm more wild about him than i was when we were newlyweds. he helps me (and i try to help him) with everything. he's sweet and supportive. the biggest thing-every time i look at teddy i see a mini version of the man i'm in love with. it makes me crazy for him even more. 

teddy is the most snuggly baby i've ever met. he nuzzles and coos. he sighs. he has a little whistle/snore when he sleeps. he sort of smiles. i can't get enough, you guys.

nothing fits the same. i know, it's going to take time. i still really miss the old me sometimes when i look in the mirror. i wish i could appreciate things in the moment more. like waistlines.

i never thought i'd be a mom that cried when her baby cried. 

i am. 

i always thought i'd be the kind of mom that was put together enough to wear make up and nice-ish outfits every day. 

i'm not.

milk gets on everyyything. it's on my bra. it's on my pillows and sheets. it's on my clothes, my baby, all over me. i can't keep up with the laundry. i'm going insane. it would be hilarious if it was happening to someone other than me.

percocet makes hard days better.

recovering is still hard. six weeks still sounds like forever. i still have a lot of pain sometimes. i'm still on medication, which i hoped i wouldn't be. sometimes i still cry, which i hoped i wouldn't. when people ask me how i'm doing, i smile and say "we're doing great!" it's not always super true. i'm hoping if i say it enough i'll believe it, and it will become true. sometimes that works. it's the best i can do right now. take it or leave it. 

i love everything about teddy, but today i can't get enough of his little toes. what a sweet life i have.