weekend wishlist

summer is long gone, i know- but for some reason i've been craving bright colors lately. i think its because fall seems to be slipping through my fingers way too fast, and i'm trying to turn back time. whatever the reason, here are some things that i'm wishing for this week, friends:

airplane bouncer?!
(i check this every week to make sure it's still there, but i can't commit to buying it yet.)

bright playdress.

(unfortunately this one is out of stock, but their new line is coming out november 2nd!)

darling taxi rattle.

(i don't know what's so charming about it, but i'm in love.)

this friendly diaper bag

(is the pink too much? maybe. but its on sale!)

colorful bear hat
(comes with matching mittens!)

onsie
(i know its obnoxious to post christmasy things 

before halloween has even passed, but i couldn't help myself.)

charlie brown mittens

(what do you think, friends? cute or nah? i can't decide.)

this sweet little kitty

(because i'll always be a sucker for chartreuse.)

have a happy weekend, friends.

party of three.

my sister was kind enough to snap some shots of all of us during our texas visit.

 i guess teddy doesn't like taking pictures as a group...

poor little buddy was super annoyed the whole time.

we tried taking turns

(one of us holding him and the other trying to encourage a smile)

not a lot of luck. 

this shot was an accident with the background in focus and us blurry, but it's a favorite!

wouldn't you agree?

maybe in the next few months we'll shoot for a smile.

i know exactly what i would do if i didn't have kids, and other things on my mind.

i get confused when people say, "my life had no meaning before i had a child", or "i don't know what i would do if i didn't have kids". what is that?? are you bragging? are you trying to make childless people feel inferior? i don't get it. i'm not trying to be snarky. i really don't get it.

ps- i know *exactly what i would do if i didn't have kids.

i'm not hiding my face to be artistic.
 i'm hiding it because i look like a swamp creature.

i feel like i can't have nice things anymore (even the nice things i already own). i wore a favorite top to a reception last weekend and teddy threw up all over it mid conversation with the bride. thank goodness the room had romantic lighting. i should've been like, "oh you sweet little baby," but i was all like "noooooo teddy, this is silk! how could you?!!"

gid and i decided to branch out with our food choices (we've been eating way too much chic-fil-a lately-- but it's so close to us!) and i ordered a semi-spicy peanut thai dish. after nursing, teddy promptly went through a 44 package of diapers in like 30 hours, you guys. it was brutal.

the fall colors are so nice right now, and i've been getting all bummed out that winter is coming. it's hard enough feeling isolated when it's nice outside. i've got kind of a bad feeling about the next few months.

last night i had a dream i was pregnant again.

i still get horrible anxiety on sundays. it's actually gotten worse since we moved. i dread church, and i miss my old ward really badly. i didn't think that would happen. i thought i hated utah drivers enough to not miss anything about utah. but i miss a lot of things. unimportant things. like shopping. it's stupid, but it's true.

i was trying to figure out why utah has such excellent shopping on the ride home, and i decided it's because mormons have extra cash on hand from not buying booze and tobacco, so they spend all their money at nordstrom. maybe? that's my theory.

i can't decide between two extremely similar colors for the canopy of my stroller. one is red, one is coral red, and i'm stupidly agonizing over which one i should buy (now i'm thinking i should just get black because it's safe, ughh). i have such an easy life if these are the things i think about. (if anyone wants to tell me which one they think is better, i'm all ears. be a pal, would you? seriously i need you.)

is it only tuesday? i wish it were friday so i could hang out with gid all weekend again. it bugs me that i miss him so much. i feel like a high school girl obsessed with her boyfriend, waiting impatiently for football practice to be over so she can hold hands, and maybe make out underneath the stadium.

* exercise, read books (for more than 10 minutes at a time), get a job, work really hard at it, get really good at it, and make a lot of money, travel, shower, and go to target, or out to eat, or to a movie whenever i want. 

weekend wishlist

k, its official- i've gotten really good at online shopping for things i can't afford. look at this cute crap, you guys! are you as excited as i am for halloween and thanksgiving and walks in leaves and pumpkins? i've been flirting with the idea of dressing our family up as characters from the nutcracker. a ballerina, a soldier (gid), and the mouse king (teddy- see outfit below). is that dumb? constructive criticism welcome--but ONLY if you've got a better idea to contribute.

here's the stuff i'm drooling over this week, guys:

some oversized twinkle lights to hang on my romantic woody balcony

this cute mama shirt

this cool doormat that screams fall

kitty phone cover (for october, or ANY other month because it is so cute, or am i nuts?)

kitty sweater dress for little girl 

mary jane socks (again for a little girl, but i promise i'm in love with my little guy, k?)

mouse king outfit- brown onesie, and gray crown

this awesome candle that smells like i live in anthropologie 

this cute apple pillow for teddy

this cool basket for his swaddles- since i have a MILLION of them, and this would help keep them in the same place and looking cute.

try not to shop too much this weekend friends.

i'll do the same.

quick texas visit.

i've been crazy homesick, and teddy hasn't had a chance to

breathe texas air yet, so we decided to make a quick visit.

so fun, guys.

is it me, or is lubbock getting nicer? i'm so confused.

anyway, we checked out this pumpkin patch and had a sweet time.

the babies are getting bigger, and it breaks my heart. part of me feels like becoming a mama makes me less attentive (and consequentially less fun) of an aunt. it's okay, it's just kinda true. 

i wish i had more energy, or that i could duplicate myself- one of me just for playing, one just for picture taking, one of me just for changing diapers...etc

i held teddy in this awesome wrap the whole time we were there, and was able to get some pictures and video taken. everything is more complicated with a little guy. i wonder how many more family videos i've got left in me with a baby to pay attention to.

anyway, i managed to throw this little video together to remember our trip. i'm hoping i'll look back on it and remember how fun it was, watching the little ones run around, and smelling the sweet fall air.

it's teddy's first debut in a family video! many many more to come.
enjoy friends. xo

dear october,

nice of you to show up. 

i thought you'd never make it. 

"just wait till three months," they said. "everything gets a little easier at three months."
teddy was born at the beginning of july. so you october, you were my gold, sparkling three month prize. i've watched the leaves change from green to gold in anticipation for you. september has never been longer. including that year that i got married to gid.

you know october, i used to think to myself, "what do mothers do all day?" i did.
secretly of course, because i didn't want people to know what a judgmental
(shall i say it? i shall.) arse i was being.

well now i know, october. i know what mothers do all day long. i know, contrary to what i imagined, that changing diapers, feeding and keeping up with a newborn takes more than an hour or two here and there (nevermind other things like laundry, cleaning bottles, or keeping yourself fed and washed). i know that breastfeeding and keeping your milk supply up is horribly exhausting, and i'll defend women who decide not to do it until the day i die.

teddy turns three months old tomorrow, october.
isn't that exciting and sad all at the same time?
he slept for seven hours two nights ago. (last night wasn't nearly as wonderful, but lets go ahead and say he's getting closer to sleeping through the night, okay?)

when i talk to him, he coos back. 

he laughed about a week ago. 

you'd love his laugh, october.

and i know everything isn't going to be easier now. i know i'll still have horrible nights full of crying, diaper changes, and endless spit up. i know in many ways that when one thing gets easier, it's only inevitable that more difficult things will show up. it's a law of physics or something, right?

but i'm still going to take a moment, lift an imaginary glass of champagne and make a toast.  

(toast sounds delicious right now). 

to three months. 

three horrible and wonderful months. three months without murdering anyone, without running away, and without showering (haha). three months of desperately trying to convince my baby that my breast is just as good as his bottle. three months of keeping his diapers changed and his little tears wiped. three months of hating gid being at work, and crying because i miss him so badly. three months. watching my baby grow out of newborn, 0-3, and 3-6 month clothing
(you guys, he's tall).

 three months of adjusting to a life that is so very very new, 

and being able to say that we survived. 

for three months, anyway.

here's to you, october.

teddy's nursery.

hi. i'm too tired to exercise, and teddy is napping, 

so i'm going to upload pictures of his nursery

we've lived here over a month, but we're still in the unpacking stage. blegh.

we actually have a second living space upstairs (with two big closets and a sink), but when we saw how much space our bedroom had, we decided to share the room with teddy rather than give him the loft. i'm so glad we did. i love having him as a roommate. 

there's still a lot i'd like to do with this space (like find a way to store his ever growing library of books), but this is how it looks for now. 

isn't this little blanket the sweetest?

i fell in love instantly when i saw it.

i don't want to sound too crazy, but these black out curtains are the best thing in the world. 

cute too, right?!

i know i have some pink stuff here and there. it's okay. he'll be fine. i buy girly things constantly just in case by the time (if ever) we have a girl the stuff i like is gone.

i had no idea that i bought so many piratey things. isn't that crazy? it's a little pirate shelf!

how do you guys store books? i have a closet full of them. next project.

crib/dresser

nyc taxi blanket

black out curtains

all stuffed animals/pirate

pink goose blanket

cloud mobile (on sale!)

things annoying me today.

1. the fact that i cannot stay on top of laundry. endless loads. when did that become a thing?
am i seriously writing about laundry right now?? who am i????

2.  my relationship with breastfeeding and pumping. i'm perpetually either frustrated because i need to pump so often, or horrified that my supply is out. (pick a side, alyssa!)

3. when i feel like i'm being patronized. if you've experienced being a mother that's great and amazing, but it doesn't mean you now hold all keys to every one else's experiences. i welcome a little advice here and there, but don't tell me what it's like to recover from a c section if you haven't had one, k? especially if you're a man. i'll cut you.

4. how clingy teddy is today. he wails if i put him down (just for a second to grab a diaper to change him), and then is happy panting with tears in his eyes when he sees me two seconds later.
ok, now that i'm thinking about this, it's actually really sweet, adorable and not annoying at all....

5. my best friend (canadian) moved back to the u.s. (yay!!) but now she lives even farther away from me. it's like one step forward and two steps back. i just want us to be next door neighbors, is that too much to ask? is it??!!!

6. also it's monday. which means i've lost gid for the week. does anyone else spend time trying to think of ways to make millions of dollars from home? i'm like, "skills, skills, what skills do i have?" and then i get distracted with spit up, laundry (angry fist shake) and the fact that i've eaten nothing but popcorn and powerade for 48 hours. and then four minutes later i'm all "lets online shop!!!" and then i remember that i'm brainstorming ways to make money, not spend it. then i make myself some popcorn. i'm hopeless, guys.

7. when a load is finished, our washer sings a song, and our dryer makes a loud obnoxious buzz. whoever designed them never had a baby. i've tried getting ahead of them, but it's no use. i equal parts love our washer and dryer and want to bash them both in with a hammer all the time. I'M WRITING ABOUT LAUNDRY AGAIN. my life. (sigh) this is my life now.

8. i miss my family so much. i've never been so homesick in my life. maybe moving to texas wouldn't be the worst thing in the world...

okay, i guess i'm glad i got that out. i need to write a post about all the great things going on this week to counterbalance this one. sorry universe.

lets do this, monday.

giving up on blogging and other stuff.

he doesn't want to sleep lately, and i'm annoyed and jealous by it. if i could nap anytime i wanted and have someone change my clothes, feed me and wash me, i'd ride that wave all the way home. then again, he's not allowed to eat cake yet, and i am, so maybe my life isn't so bad. hashtag the grass is always greener.

it was gid's birthday yesterday, and i feel like he needs a do over. both of our birthdays and our sixth anniversary (plus a move) are within the first 3 months of teddy's little life. which means we don't really celebrate as much as wipe spit up off of ourselves and steal a smooch every now and then. i just pretend spit up is an expensive facial cream these days.

being a stay at home mother is more lonely than i thought it would be.

i've started following a bunch of fashion bloggers on instagram. i don't know why, since all i wear oversized t-shirts and socks these days. it's fun to live vicariously, i guess. hopefully by the time i start wearing real pants again, this flare jean trend will have passed. hashtag nope.

teddy on my lap right now.

the other day i decided i don't want to blog anymore. (i just hate that word: "blogger". blegh) i decided it's too hard to keep up with it, and it's time spent that i could be napping. or eating. no, exercising! (that's right alyssa, blame your blog on not losing the baby weight.) also, it's not like a ton of people read it. also people can be jerks. there's a lot of frienimies out there.

but i don't write for other people so much as i write for me. hashtag my blog is my therapist.

sometimes it feels like i don't know how i feel about anything anymore. gosh, i need a nap.

teddy has been sleeping (read: pretending to sleep) on my lap while i've written this post. i'm getting pretty good at typing one handed. i used to always attempt to put him in his crib when he dozed off. not anymore. hashtag i'll take what i can get.

it's gently raining right now, and since we have a skylight, there's a soft pitter patter in the background as i write these last few words. maybe the white noise will help him sleep longer. the view from where i'm sitting is pretty nice right now, after all...

2 months.

...can we talk about how teddy was the size of this bear
when he came home from the hospital?!

teddy is getting so tall. i never thought i'd have a tall baby.

he's been crying more than usual lately. we just passed two months- i think that's a growth spurt or something like that, right? he's also showing signs of teething (sobbing emoticon). i hate not being able to just give him pain meds, which is funny, because i never took meds until i had him. now i see how awesome they are, and i want to spread the happiness.

speaking of medication, my incision still aches sometimes, and i take tylenol for it every now and then. i really thought i'd be done by now. i can't touch the scar, it's still so sensitive. was that the case for the rest of you c section mamas? i wish i would've taken it easier when it really counted.

i get how people get addicted to pain medicine. i used to think that was so strange and silly (strilly?) now i get it. if i could buy percocet over the counter, i'd do it in a heartbeat, so i could do things like exercise or take a dance class without getting anxiety. i did that jillian michaels 30 day shred for a week and had to take a break because it was too much. it's a pretty basic workout, and i was already modifying so that was a little discouraging. i just want to fit in my cute clothes again.

the other day teddy had a blowout while i happened to just be wearing an oversized t shirt (no pants), and when he spilled out of a his diaper, i seriously thought for a moment that i was crapping myself. so warm, that poo. there was another time that we were both napping and he legit woke us both up by filling his diaper. i used to be so proud of him for bowel movements. now i'm like, "i get it, you're really good at this..."

he smiles and coos while i change his diaper after a blow out. that's considerate of him at least.

we went to the balloon festival (the evening one). i don't know why i suggested that. it was fun (for the first bit), but i started getting worried about teddy with it getting colder and the crowds and smoke made me uneasy. next time he'll be older, and maybe we could do one of the morning ones instead. gid snapped a nice picture on our way out. when we look back years from now, maybe we'll remember it as being more enchanting than stressful.

i have such incredible friends. checking up on me via email, text, or phone call. sending packages. visiting and chatting. dropping off "anonymous" care packages at my door (i know that was you courtney- it had your thoughtful consideration written all over it). i've been sort of second guessing myself as to whether moving back to boise was the right choice, but then i look at what kind of people i have here (friendships that have continued just as strong even with my four year absence), and i feel like our life is pretty great. i do miss salt lake shopping. thank goodness for the internet.

anyway, that's all for now.