a matryoshka story...

So, this story is part dance, part funny, and part "alyssa". 

If you look up my name in the thesaurus, 

you'll find awkward in large bold letters right next to it.

Just a warning. 

Today was the first day in my modern technique class, right? It's always awkward going into a new class with people who you're not familiar with when everyone is wearing tight clothing and throwing themselves across a well lit room filled with mirrors. It's silly, but there's a sort of politics to a first day of class: you don't want to be too front and center, yet don't want to be too timid. You don't want to be too show-off-y, yet you want to make sure you're challenging and pushing yourself. Am I the only one who senses these silent rules? Well, anyway. As we were going across the floor, I noticed the girl in front of me had a tattoo peeking out from the back of her drapy shirt. It was the top of a little matryoshka doll, which made my heart leap, not because I'm a tattoo enthusiast (as I'm sure you know), but because (as I'm sure you know) I just love everything russian.

After we finished going across the floor, there was a silent moment, and I decided to take the opportunity to ask my new russian-loving friend about her "artwork".

With all my enthusiasm, I said "Is that a matryoshka doll on your back!?"

She looked at me blankly, and I, now stuttering and thinking maybe this wasn't the best question to start off with said, "The tattoo.... um, is that a matryoshka doll?" 

Her eyes lit with understanding, and then she replied, "Oh. That's Mother Mary."

My heart fell like a bowling ball right next to the fruit snacks in my stomach. But before I could say anything to pull myself out of the awkward hole I'd just leapt into, our instructor called a few technique pointers to our attention, and then told us to take it from the top. I only had a moment to try to say something to her; something, anything. 

So in a hasty rush of insecurity, I said the first thing that entered my head. Looking her directly in the eye, I said in an unmeaning-fully matter of fact way, "I'm Christian."
Then I nodded. Like an idiot. 

The bowling ball sunk a few inches lower than I thought possible. 

Wow, Alyssa. Wow.

...wow.

How did I become so adept at awkwardness? I mean, I am Christian, I'm a proud Christian, but why did I have to bring that up after mistaking a tattoo of Mother Mary for a matryoshka doll?

When did I go from being a cute little girl with pink cowboy boots to this?!

I should get my masters degree in awkward studies. 

Actually, I should be the dean of the college of awkwardness. 

You get the picture.

Anyway, I'm lucky the girl just laughed it off; it could have been a truly offensive moment on the worst possible day to be offensive and awkward.

Wow. That's all friends. Thanks for being nice to me even though I say things like that.