removing poison.

ok,  this has been on my mind for quite some time now, so please forgive any blubbering. I do tend to blubber. Not like whale fat- like "she was blubbering on and on and we couldn't understand what she was saying."

Got the correct definition? I'm glad we talked about this. 

For the past several months, I've been really thinking about the concept of forgiveness; what it really really means. Normally I don't have a difficult time forgiving people. I get easily irritated, yes. I think sometimes my blood pressure rises when I get spam in my inbox. But I figure if I forgive the way I would want to be forgiven, I'll be just fine. That was before "the incident". I don't want to go into detail about exactly what happened, but it hurt me so much deeper than I would have expected. I keep thinking that I'm over it, but then I find myself re-irritated again and again.


There are some people in our lives who we build close relationships with: family (obviously), and dear friends. I have a best friend in Canada who is a gorgeous 5' 11'' blonde. Definitely not related to the 5' 4'' brunette from America, but she is as good as family. There are a few girls who I danced with on company who I consider to be practically family. It hurts when strangers are rude or offensive. It's easy to become outraged when a moron cuts you off on the road. I think it is a little more painful when people we are familiar with are inconsiderate. But I think it hurts the most when close family or dear friends betray the trust that takes years to develop. And I think it hurts even more when they take advantage time and time again, because they've gotten used to taking advantage time and time again.

When "the incident" happened, I was so upset I was shaking. Hot angry tears flowed, and I was so so so angry. What upset me the most was the relationship that I felt had been severed. It bothered me so much, that I dedicated study to it, and found the most wonderful talk  by Bishop H. Burke Peterson.

It tells the true story about a group of girls having a picnic on a hot summer day in arizona. Amidst playing, one of the girls is bitten by a rattlesnake on the ankle. The venom immediately is released into her bloodstream, and her friends, enraged, decide to find the snake and destroy it, rather than focus on removing the poison from the wound. It takes them about 15 minutes, but eventually they find it, and destroy it with rocks and stones. By the time the girls get back to their friend, the venom has reached an advanced state, and the poison has begun the destroy the tissue in her limb. In the end, their wounded friend must have her leg removed.

"It was a senseless sacrifice, this price of revenge.

How much better it would have been if, after the young 

woman had been bitten, there had been an extraction of 

the venom from the leg in a process known 

to all desert dwellers."

What do we do when we have been attacked, or offended? What can we do, really? Peterson tells us "the sure way, the right way is to look inward and immediately start the cleansing process. The wise and the happy person removes first the impurities from within. The longer the poison of resentment and unforgiveness stays in a body, the greater and longer lasting is its destructive effect...

The poison of revenge, or of unforgiving thoughts or attitudes, 

unless removed, will destroy the soul in which it is harbored. "

As I was reading this, I thought about how I've been taught all my life that forgiveness is more for the forgiver than the forgiven. It's so easy to want to hold grudges, especially when we feel we have every right to! But when we do so, we're denying ourselves of growing opportunities, of learning experiences.

Later on in the talk, we learn about Him who forgave all; the greatest example of forgiveness. And as my perspective grew larger and larger, I found no irritating grudginess looming about me. I just felt grateful for the blessings that I had. 

Grateful for a family that loves me, grateful for my friends who are the best ever. 

Grateful for a husband who is the most wonderful thing in the world. 

And grateful for the learning experience of "the incident" that I grew so much from.

I don't know if I've made any sense at all. 
This may have been the longest, most sporadic post ever.

But I felt like I needed to write about it, so I did.

Like I said early on, I do tend to blubber.

But I know that when we focus on healing the wound rather than seeking revenge on the attacker, we will find infinitely more happiness and growth.

Happy Sunday to Everyone.

xoxo