sparkle.

I've started making weekly goals, and yesterday I made a goal to not be super cranky today- monday.

I try not to, but

I hate mondays.

I hate them almost as much as

I hate the smell of milk that has gone bad.

Actually, that's what mondays are to me: sundays that have been sitting out too long and now have turned to sour mondays.

Anyway, back to my goal; not my smelly analogy that defeats the purpose of it.

I've been feeling suffocated lately with the combination of work and photography, and I finally caught up with some of my photo shoot editing. When my clients are out of state, I always use the same little postal shoppe. It's about 2 miles from our apartment, and run by the most lovely old man. I stopped by, and he greeted me with his normal cheerfulness. I've never known a lousy mailman. The mailman who delivered to our family in Texas is also the sweetest man in the world. When I was a little girl I would put flowers in the mailbox for him with notes expressing thanks for bringing us anticipated goods from afar. I think there must be some sort of mailman oath that says something like, "We, the mailmen of america swear to be sweet at all times." Seriously.


Anyway as I was chatting with the mailman, he asked me if I was doing my photography full time. Explaining that I do it super part time since I have a job that takes up all of my week, my mailman sighed, and said, "I wish you could visit me more,

You're the sparkle in my day."

If he was a middle aged man with a toupee, it would have been creepy and a little upsetting. But he's a sweet old man with kind eyes and suspenders. He uses a cane to get from on end of his shoppe to the other. He always has fresh lavender in an antique vase on his counter, and he smells of peppermint.
He has a picture of himself, his wife and a dog that looks like it's about as old as they are.

And he thinks that I sparkle.

Lately I've felt more like a dud than a sparkler. Roll out of bed because my brain makes me. Kiss gid as he leaves for work. Put concealer under my eyes to hide the obvious stress that I want so desperately to disappear. Sit at work for 7-10 hours. Get back in the car. Get home. Make something horribly cliche and pathetic like hamburger helper. Shower. Crawl into bed, kiss my husband goodnight. Sleep. Wake up. And then I roll out of bed because my brain makes me.

But as "dud"ful as I felt, someone thought of me as a sparkle. And I wasn't even wearing anything remotely glittery. I was in a postal shoppe. I think of sparkles in my life: my sweet husband naturally, my photography clients, my friends, my bloggie buddies, my family. Gosh, I miss my family.

There are sparkles everywhere. They surround me.

I'd love to hear the different unique places people find sparkle.

Where do you find it?

ps- you should really probably comment, because I hate it when

people ask questions on their blog and no one responds.

Help a sister out, huh?

worth it

It seems like I have an impossible amount to do lately.

My brain has been a whirlwind of chaos:

I have to go to work. I have to go get the groceries. I have to catch up on all of my photo shoot editing. Then I have to find the time to burn the disks and get to the post office and mail them to my clients. I have to schedule those 7 clients who have been calling and emailing me to have a shoot. Oh- that's right! There's that ward activity this weekend that I have to go to. Augh! Visiting teaching! Gosh, I really should get started on Sunday's lesson. Oh yeah! Geez, I have to deposit that check so we have money in the bank. I've gotta read the lessons for my institute classes.I have to get to institute class, then to ballet, then back to the office on time. Let's not forget that we've gotta buy a pumpkin so we can have jackolanterns! Did I mention groceries already? Gotta schedule a time to go to the temple. Goodness gracious. Along with that, I probably should be doing family history. And scripture study. And better, more sincere prayers. And I should really be trying to be better about being a better person in general. I really should be doing more to prepare for our Thanksgiving trip to Texas. I've got like a million baby showers I'm supposed to go to. Better go grab some gifts. Oh, that reminds me! I've got to plan that surprise baby shower! Aw man, I keep telling myself that I'm going to start taking classes at that new hot yoga place. Then again, I keep telling myself that I'm going to stop eating ice cream for more than 24 hours. I've gotta work on my will power and self control. And my exercise endurance. I've been wanting to write a post on my blog that isn't totally lame.Groceries AGAIN?! How much can two people eat?

There are some days I feel like I just can't do it all.

And really- I just want to crawl into a dark hole and die.

And I'm not even a mom yet. 
Not a good sign.

But, on the bright side, there are other days, when even though I know I might not be able to do it all, it'll all get done somehow. Even better are the days when I look forward to whatever is coming; the exciting and the frustrating. I hope I can grow to be like that all the time. It takes faith. And it takes trust. But when I have both, I know everything will work out one way or another, and I can even look forward to it.




For instance, I may not be looking forward to morning sickness, sleepless nights, and labor pains.





But I do look forward to days when I can rock my children to sleep as they drool on my shoulder. And I know, that I have to have faith and trust to endure through the tough times in order reach the lovely ones.

I might not always want to clean and cook,

but I so look forward to having a home full of loving sounds,

yummy food, and tender moments.

And sometimes, even though I resist inevitabilities like gray hair, and wrinkles, I look forward to aging hopefully as gracefully as my beautiful mother.

So on days like today, when I feel like I maybe won't be able to do it all, I'm just going to try to look forward to future joys. It's hard. It takes trust. It takes faith. But I can do it.

Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. If everything has to be known, if everything has to be explained, if everything has to be certified, then there is no need for faith. Indeed, there is no room for it.

Boyd K. Packer

Dance Log 7

Feeling extra tired this lovely autumn morning.



Put on some socks and a cutoff t shirt.



Threw on a leotard.



Low motivation.



Low energy.






But, hey! I went.
And I had a pretty good day, actually.

More Autumn Love...

A few weeks ago, gideon and I threw a little party to celebrate autumn's coming.

Pom poms were made.

Twinkle lights were hung.

Along with autumn toned christmas decorations.

And baby's breath was carefully placed in bottles that looked like they once held wine.

I meant to take pictures of my friends who came, and all of the terrific food we ate,

so I could document the epic even with a post.

But because I was too busy having an enchanting evening- 

these pictures will have to do.

Have I mentioned that autumn is my favorite?

cookies + autumn =

happiness.

For those of you who aren't familiar with me-

allow me to let you in on a little secret about myself:

I don't really cook.

I got through college without baking cookies once. 

And it was a happy, happy four years.

But this year, when I felt the crisp autumn air surround me, 

and smelled that glorious smoky fall scent, 

I decided to try to be a little bit more domestic.

And so, to motivate me to try to bake cookies, 

I found a cookie cutter in the shape of an autumn leaf. 

success.

And it was nice to have a handsome helper in the kitchen.

Always willing to help clean up.

And by clean up I mean, lick the dough off of the bowl and spoon.

Oh, autumn. 

Only your seasonly magic could make someone 

like me have even the slightest desire to make cookies . 

Love you, autumn.
You're the best.

hypothetically speaking

Let's say hypothetically there is a girl. 

Been married for a little over a year.

Lets say hypothetically that she and her husband don't have kids. Yet.

Lets say that
her siblings
may or may not be expecting.

(and her siblings- lets say- are having a puppy theme in their nursery)

Let's say hypothetically again that
she is definitely not pregnant 
or close to it (unless you count over eating sweet treats on a regular basis- but in that case, hypothetically you probably shouldn't mention it to her, because hypothetically she's probably overly sensitive to comments about looking a little tubby. Hypothetically.)

So this hypothetical girl; she buys darling baby clothes basically every time she sees them. 

And she plans to continue.

She's not crazy, right?

I mean, hypothetically speaking...

Today was one of those days...

one of those awful days. 

I don't want to go into the details, but it was one of the worst days I've had in months.

I tried really really really hard to make it the best day I could,
but I felt like I just couldn't.

Don't you hate those days? I sure do.

I got home. I collapsed on the couch in tears. Gideon hugged me, and told me that he loved me. Then, he  handed me a package I got in the mail, and said hopefully,
"Maybe this will make you feel better?"

Oh mail, how I love thee.

Oh special mail, how I ever love thee.

notice the adorable sticker was on the back...

And when I opened it up, this is what I found inside:

I don't know if I told you guys that I won a blog give away for an

 8x10 print from this darling photographer's etsy shop.

it arrived today

(here's a better look at the photograph)

Isn't it the sweetest thing you've ever seen? 

I can't wait to put it in the most adorable frame I can find, 

and then showcase it in my home forever.

When I opened my little photograph, I felt like my day had made a total comeback. It suddenly didn't matter that I had failed at just about everything I had attempted do accomplish.I felt chipper and cheerful as ever (even though I still had wet eyes and pink cheeks).

Lesson learned? 

It's important to be the master of your emotions; 

to not be dependent on others for happiness.

You have got to be in control, because ultimately, 

it's always up to you 

to make the choice be happy.

But then again, I believe there are some days when it's ok to make a small exception.

It's ok to let someone hug you, or remind you that you are loved 

or to be touched by the coolest blog give away ever that happened to arrive

 on a day when you really needed a little extra boost.

Today I tried my hardest to control my emotions, I tried to 

make it 

a great day.

And I felt like I just couldn't do it. 

But with the help from those around me,

my grumpy day turned out to be sweeter than sugar.

(literally- the ice cream gideon ended up surprising me 

with has got to be 99% high concentrate delightful sugar)

what a happy thursday.

Dance Log 6

Wanna hear about my morning yesterday?

Well, you're gonna.

(Unless, of course, you decide to close out of this

page immediately which is your absolute right.)

I didn't tell you guys, but a few weeks ago I was pulled over for going a whopping 27 miles an hour. I got a verbal warning, and a compliment on the cleanliness of my car. However, since I failed to have my proof of insurance with me, the officer also give me a nice little $130 ticket that I could have waived by going to city hall and providing a proof of insurance (which is great, because that's just what I need right now: another thing on my to do list). I went through the time frame I'd have to get my terrible Tuesday taken care of.

City Hall Opens at 8:00 am.

My institute class starts at 8:30 am.

My ballet class starts at 9:15 am.

I decided to be to city hall no later than 8:02, get my ticket waived by 8:15, get back home by 8:20, get into my leotard and tights (with normal clothes on top) by 8:25, and rush rush rush into my class by 8:30. I knew it would be a close call, but
I had ultimate faith in my mad skills.

It was a brisk, chilly morning; the kind of morning that makes me want to put wool socks on, and stay in bed all day reading Russian literature and eating homemade soup. When I got to city hall at 8:02, and saw the line of people waiting to get through security (security?!), I knew it was going to be tougher than I thought to pull this day off. I waited, waited, and finally around 8:12 my number was called to see a specialist to help me get my ticket waived. Determined to use polite manners and grace to my advantage, I smiled and explained my situation to the lady sitting at the desk. She, smiling back, complimented me on my scarf, and got right to work getting my ticket taken care of. It took her less than a minute. I wished her a lovely day, and ran to my car (after getting lost and not being able to find the exit). It was drizzling, and about 8:18 at this point, but I hit all green lights and sped home. Lucky I didn't get another ticket for real this time. I threw on my black tights, leotard, shorts, a button up shirt, pulled on some sweater boots, and without stopping for air, got back into the car (now it was pouring rain), and sped (again with the speeding?!) to institute. My eyes flashed to the clock as I parked. It was 8:28, but it's about a 5 minute walk  from the lot they have us park in to the institute building. So. I ran. I ran, in ballet tights, shorts, a button up, and crazy hair in the pouring rain to my institute class. You know- like a mad woman. As my teacher was just about to ask who would like to give the opening prayer, I stumbled in.

Victory. I had done it. I had actually accomplished the impossible. I looked like an idiot, yes. But I had done it, and that was all that mattered. As I finished the prayer my euphoria faded as I remembered one small important detail: I had forgotten my ballet slippers.

Have I mentioned that our ballet teacher has a strict no dancing without socks or ballet slippers policy?

Well, she does.

Disappointment. 
I decided I had two choices:

One- take a deep breath- hold back frustrated tears- go back into the pouring rain- rush home- grab my slippers-get back in the car-return in time for my ballet class. I would certainly miss my religion class.

-or-

Two-laugh at the ironic and hectic morning I had-accept the inevitable disappointment of forgetting the smallest, yet most essential part of my ballet attire- stay the entire duration of my religion class (for the first time this semester), and learn not only about religion, but about not beating myself up over a silly mistake that was due to a ca-razy morning.

I chose the latter.

I know. You're all thinking, "Alyssa, you coward! You should have gone to ballet! You just pretended to "forget" your shoes, so you wouldn't have to do that awful battement combination again!!"

Wait- maybe that's not you- maybe that's just my pessimistic side trying to make me feel guilty, or just plain bad about myself. Either way, that's not true.

I really really missed ballet yesterday. Which actually surprised me, and taught me a completely unexpected lesson (hence the dance log entry). Not only can I do hard things, I can learn from them. Not only can I learn from them, I can learn to look forward to learning from them, and eventually, I can learn to love them.

I can learn to love them so much, that even though they are hard, and uncomfortable, I'm disappointed when I miss them. Thursday is tomorrow, and I've already got my slippers (and an extra pair of socks just in case) waiting in the car. I'm determined to never even be tempted to miss class again; because I have- and I was sad that whole day, missing the voice of my teacher correcting my arms, and watching my lovely peer dancer friends gracefully sway from corner to corner. I think this lesson has been very educational. Not despite the fact that I didn't enter the studio at all, but because of it.

Maybe it's silly for me to write a dance log post about a day where I did no dancing, but I learned quite alot. And that is all.

Happy Wednesday.

crafty crafty crafty...

I adore all of you crafty crafters. Something I've been wanting to get into is silhouette making.

Wouldn't these all make lovely additions to any home?

I think so too. 

Anyway, there are several tutorials online for them, but since I'm too big of a scardy cat, (don't you love fall?) I decided to practice digitally before I go out and buy crafts. This is what I came up with after tinkering with gid and my profiles from some wedding photos.

Fun, right?

I think so too. 

You guys, I'm so happy fall is starting to feel comfortable in boise. Like a shy guest, not wanting to be too much of a bother, he seems to be slowly making himself at home gradually; not wanting to startle anyone. I for one, however, am more than happy to put the flip flops away and pull out my mustard, espresso and spice toned scarfs. Not to mention my Corduroy coats, wool socks, and sweater boots.

Keep in mind, I love the springtime flowers, the winter snowflakes, 

and the cheerful summer rays kissing my skin. 

But, autumn. 

Autumn with it's crisp briskness, and it's monday football. 

Autumn with it's falling leaves, it's romantic evenings, and it's earthy smell.

Autumn with it's spooky nights, it's apple cider and it's pumpkin pie.

Autumn.

You will always be my secret favorite.

Take a deep breath, friends. 

It won't be long till autumn's vibrant colors go into a deep relaxing hibernation, 

and I'm singing Christmas songs non-stop. Till then, I'm quite content allowing the crisp autumn aura to inspire me to be crafty, to be unique; (or if I'm feeling especially ambitious) to just be me.

What a wonderful life.

Take it in friends. It is oh so wonderful.

Dear October,

October, I meant to write this yesterday (your first day on the job), but I was too busy working, spending time with Gid, cousins and kiddos, eating ice cream and pizza, and then shopping with my dear friend for the homemade spaghetti she's making today. 

I just wanted to give you a big welcome October! How I've missed you. 

September prepared all the trees for you; have you noticed the colors beginning to change? The big leaves give the most delightful crunch. In fact, the other day, on my way back from ballet, I was happily investing time walking from leaf to leaf enjoying the magical feeling of the crisp leafs crumbling beneath my feet. I didn't hear the bicycler coming behind me, and he almost ran me over. Oops. But I don't care. You know that magnificent crispness in the air that you bring every year? Could we maybe get some of it today? As you know, it's the first day of conference, and I'd really like the outdoor setting to be right.  I love walking out from conference and seeing leaves falling. Oh, October! I just love you and your fall month brothers! Oh, and if you're able to, could you maybe let the colors last a little bit longer this year? I love the reds and yellows especially.

Your gifts are so very treasured to me, October.




I hope you know we all missed you, and we've been excitedly waiting for you.
Enjoy your stay.


love,
alyssa