update

i've washed pee off my couch three times this week. whatever. i'm telling myself that since he's still so new, his urine is practically tahitian spring water.

my back is really killing me. as if breastfeeding wasn't hard enough- it's like "here, lets torture your nipples, and also make you get into a really weird position that throws your ribs out of alignment. "

motherhood is magical at times.
if by magical you mean miserably painful.

a trip to target has transformed from "i'm just going to grab some detergent really quick", to this beautiful wonderful place i never appreciated before i had a baby. god bless you, nate berkus. you make beautiful crap.

when i'm trying to fall asleep, i daydream which would be a better 30th birthday present to myself: a trip to france on my birthday (french independence day so hello FIREWORKS by the eiffel tower), or a nice long ride on a hot air balloon. wouldn't that be fun? which would you pick? maybe we should do both. i mean, it's thirty. (i fall asleep when i start calculating how much it will cost.)

two more weeks till i'm "allowed" to do light exercises. i've never been so excited to use my muscles. if i hear one more girl talk about how breastfeeding bounced her right back to her pre-pregnancy weight after 2 weeks i'm going to scream. i need EXERCISE. and diet (hahahaha). and some liposuction maybe...

to be fair, i shouldn't compare myself to people successful at breastfeeding. teddy and i are still struggling with it. this kid is so hot and cold when it comes to nursing. i'm determined not to feel bad if we have to throw in the towel.

you know what makes me feel better about myself? every time?? bachelor in paradise. YOU GUYS. i can be un-showered, baby throw up all over me, eating garbage, wearing a raggedy t shirt, and a messy bun ridden with gray hairs, and five minutes of this show makes me feel smart, funny, and classy. i watch it when i'm really having a rough day. reality television, man. what a hot mess.

i feel like i'm always walking around with one sleeve of my clothes off, exposing at least one shoulder (either i'm preparing to nurse, or i've just finished). it makes me feel like an Egyptian princess. i dig it. there's not many things i love about my body, but i do enjoy showing off a collarbone once in a while. i have pretty nice collarbones. and my wrists are kinda great. there. i complimented myself twice.

right now i have one foot neatly polished, and the other not. it feels like i have sharpie written across my feet "i'm too tired, flustered, and lazy to finish taking off the polish on this foot. get over it." i bet no one has even noticed.

teddy is starting to smile on purpose you guys. it kills me. he's such a sweet little guy. did you see his little pensive face in the picture above? can you even handle it? he's so handsome, right?! can babies be handsome already??

i feel like i'm starting to move on emotionally from the c section. for a while i couldn't talk about it without getting choked up.  it's starting to feel like my scar hurts more than my heart. that's major progress for me.