in case you were wondering...

the baby isn't here yet.

my due date was two days ago.

it's fine, i feel great, and i'm not too uncomfortable, and i know most first time mammas go past their due date. i expected it.

but- you know- it'd be just great with me if he got here sooner than later.

i never got around to booking a maternity photographer, which is a shame since i have some crazy talented photographer friends. up until the third trimester i thought i had all the time in the world to schedule a shoot, and then i don't know what happened- it was like one day i was six months along, feeling good about how i looked with plenty of clothes to wear, and the next day i'd had an unfortunate haircut, was a bit puffy, and due any minute. time flies when you're having fun i guess?

i really meant to take maternity pictures not when i was full term so i could look back and pretend that i was one of those girls that is thin throughout her pregnancy. next time i'll do better.

anyway, gid took a few snapshots so we could remember what i looked like with our first baby in my tummy.

isn't he talented? can you believe how lucky i am?

anyway. i've had several sweet friends text/email me asking if teddy is here yet, because i've been a little mia on my blog (family in town- no time for computers!!). 

he's not. he's coming. i promise.
thanks for checking in on me, friends. xo

taco bell & life being weird.

life is weird. i was thinking about that the other day. 

it's weird how the goofy boy who wrote me a love letter in elementary school (to which i never responded because "like, ewwww...") is now successful and good looking, and the popular boy that i had a weird crush on in high school is now kind of a... someone i wouldn't have a crush on. it's weird how time gives you perspective.

it's weird that i met gid the way that i did, and that we became friends and then better friends and then best best best friends. it's weird that the boy who was so dear to me as a friend, the boy who i'd go on double dates with (me with my date, and him with his), is now the boy that i love like i've never loved anyone else in the whole wide world. (move over then nerdy now handsome elementary boy- you could never hold a candle to my sweet gid.)

i found this picture in my phone from a lunch we had in dublin (when we were super jet lagged and worn out) and i love it so much. i want to blow it up poster sized, put it on my wall and kiss it goodnight.

i don't have to do that though, because i get to go to sleep with the real thing. sigh. so lucky.

it's weird how we're having a tiny baby. soon. it's weird how i feel him all the time inside of me; how he's literally a piece of who i am. it's weird how we're going to meet him soon.
ps- teddy is totally grounded when he gets out- he's bruising me from the inside out.

it's weird, the people i met in college that changed my life. it's weird that i started taking dance seriously in college and that wound me up in an MFA program in salt lake city.

it's weird how scary making choices were at the time; which undergrad/grad school to go to, who to date, who to marry, where to move, what position to take. because it all worked out so well. it's weird that the jobs i've had throughout my life have been exactly perfect for that season of my life. how did i get so lucky? how could everything have possibly worked out so well for me? not that it was perfect every moment of the way. goodness knows some days are better than others. still though.

so the fact that we have so many changes coming in the next few weeks shouldn't freak me out, right? having a baby coming is stressful enough, but there's more changes coming than a new member of our family. most days i'm okay, but sometimes i'm really just not.

today is my last day of work until further notice. i worked up into week 39, but it feels like i'm leaving much too early. i'm totally bummed about it, but i also think i'm just scared of what leaving my job represents.

i've been compensating nerves and stress with snow cones and taco bell. poor teddy. his first word is going to be "cha-lu-pa".

that's who i am this week. that's what i've resorted to: fast food, and sugar. 

and i really really shouldn't. because it's all going to be okay. just like it's always been. in hindsight i'll look back and chuckle at how scared i was; how many crunchwrap supremes i consumed at the end of my first pregnancy.

it's all going to be okay. just like it's always been.

it's all going to be okay.
it's all going to be okay.
it's all going to be okay.

weekend wishlist

yo. i'm weirdly into NYC stuff today. gid and i visited about a year ago, and we liked it, but to be honest we were so jet lagged that we barely appreciated anything. how can you enjoy a stroll through central park when you're sleepwalking? anyway, these are the things i'm drooling over this weekend: a beach towel/blanket for me, this little security blanket and outfit for teddy, this cute wooden camera toy, these darling prints (are they really darling? i can't decide if my taste is compromised...) and this tote bag.



man, a hot dog sounds really good right now, right?
yay for weekends.

37 weeks.

this is it: june.
the month teddy is due.
he's full term.
i'm in denial, guys.

did i mention we're moving into a bigger apartment two weeks before my due date?
did i mention i really want to get my hair cut and get a pedicure this week?
did i mention my mamma is coming and i'm just so so happy about it?

teddy loves it when I eat snow cones.
sweet little sugar baby.

i had an appointment yesterday and my doctor told me if i want to be induced at 39 weeks she can arrange it. it freaked me out a little. i'm anticipating that i'll carry late like most first time mammas, (which also scares me), but i've also heard that inducing raises the likelihood of a longer labor and possibility of a c section. this stuff is crazy. how do you choose?

the other day a lady came into the store expecting twins and we had the same due date and were practically the same size. i really tried hard not to compare, but i had a thin smile on for about an hour after she left.

he's either in my lungs or on my bladder, so i'm always either gasping or limping to the bathroom. a lot of the time it's uncomfortable. he has hiccups all the time, sometimes twice in a day (that i notice). also heartburn is the worst.

i love ice cream and milkshakes more than i ever have in my life. also i love netflix. i don't feel guilty about it- i feel like my love affair with television won't last much longer...

i've been crazy emotional lately. lots of big, fat tears over things like missing battery chargers, or running out of toilet paper mid bathroom break. ("what did i ever do to deserve this??")

this cute girl at my work wore the most darling dress the other day and i loved it so much that i immediately went to the store to buy it. (HAHAHAHAHAHA.) 

so i'm thinking people aren't kidding when they say nothing will ever fit the same again. even the thought of the dress without my belly couldn't convince me to buy it.

instead, i bought some maxi dresses with elastic waistbands (like the one pictured above) that aren't technically maternity, but they feel great. it makes me so happy to buy clothes that i can wear after he comes.

i didn't know my thighs were capable of this much cellulite. isn't it funny how you don't appreciate the great things you have till they're gone? my pre pregnancy thighs were the bomb. i gotta love myself more in the present.

in our birth class tonight we're doing a hospital tour. can you believe it?

here's to you, week 38!