Just so you know...

I don't consider myself a needy person. I've never felt super-de-duper attached to any guy I've dated (until gideon, and I don't think I felt that attached until he proposed to me), and in most cases I'd be likely to choose to run errands alone rather than with a partner. Ok?

I also wouldn't think that I'm a scardy cat. Hello-- I like roller coasters, was a gymnast for 13 years, and spent four winters in rexburg frickin idaho (and rarely wore wool socks by the way). I'm just sayin'. "Needy", and "chicken" have never been used to describe me before.

I just wanted you to read that before you read this.

I miss gid so much right now.
I'm in an airport, waiting to board a flight to California to shoot a wedding for a dear friend. I love weddings. I love this friend. And if anyone who is reading this has ever met me for even a minute they would know that I adore traveling.

But when I kissed Gideon goodbye and left him at the ticket/security entrance, I felt an unfamiliar large lump in my throat. I already missed him. As I walked through the line, took off my shoes, and put my bags through security, I snuck peeks over at the front of the line to see if he was still standing there. He was. In fact, as I was being scanned by a huge machine I turned my head the slightest angle so I could check again if he was still there, and a rather grouchy security lady snapped at me that I mustn't even blink or she'd have to start the scan all over again. Then, after the check was over, she smiled at me, and said, "don't worry sweetie, I don't think he's going anywhere too soon." Sure enough, after I passed all security levels (I was selected to be super "secured") Gideon was still standing at the beginning of the line, which seemed much father away than it was, and was grinning with his charming grin, and waving goodbye. I walked to my gate, and tried not to noticeably sniffle. How very un-alyssa of me. If ever I had any doubts of my being totally in love with that boy, this moment changed all of them completely.

Before too long, I felt I had returned back to my normal independent self. I got on the flight, and sat across the aisle from an adorable little girl sitting in the window seat next to her mother. The little girl was soo excited for the "big bird to fly", was trying to pry her window shade  higher so she could see more, and kept bouncing up and down in her seat laughing loudly. I wasn't too amused, because I was reminded of a horrible experience when I was sitting next to a little first flier once, and he threw up all over me. Wasn't too cute. As the plane accelerated speed, the little girl gave out a happy holler, but sure enough, as we got higher and higher in the air, her little gleeful giggles subsided. I prepared my senses for the aroma of kid puke. But, instead of what I anticipated, the little darling slammed her window blind shut as hard as possible, threw herself next to her mother's side, and hid underneath a blanket for the duration of the 2 hour flight. I heard her small voice several times ask her mother sometimes if the bird was done flying. Poor thing.

I kind of felt the same. I thought I was mostly done missing gideon. When the plane started taking off, I thought of all of the times I'd been driving home from work, and I would jealously watch flights sailing off away from idaho. I smiled to myself as I thought how nice it would be to get away for a weekend, but around the time the little girl dove under her blanket, I missed Gideon just as much as ever. I missed looking through the skymall magazines with him and joking about what Christmas presents we would get each other. I missed how he always orders Orange Juice (weirdo?) when the complimentary drink cart comes by. I calculated that the last at least 24 flights of my life, I've been sitting next to Gideon.

On this flight, I was sitting next to a man who, after digging through the magazine holder, found a half wrapped lolly pop, and was eating it. I'm not kidding. I watched him casually wipe the lint and peanut crumbs off the tasty treat on his seat before putting the doomed candy into his mouth. After he was done with it, he used the stick to clean his fingernails out.


I miss gid.


Oh, and the flight had horrible turbulence. I think my stomach is lingering somewhere over the grand canyon still, and I definitely had a few day mares consisting of myself, the little girl, and the rest of the passengers experiencing an unhappily ended end.

There was one point of turbulence on the flight, that I had to close my book, and take my chin off of my resting hand (because the jerks were making me slap myself). I sat in great discomfort, next to the lint eating candy enthusiast, grasping my armrests tightly (usually I try to avoid those ever since I was a kid and my mom gave me a talk about germs in public places), and tried to relax what I know must've been "crazy lady eyes". After a skidded and swerved landing on the runway, what sounded uncomfortably close to a fire alarm went off for about 10 seconds. Not a single passenger so much as raised an eyebrow. I would have probably let out at least a "what the??", but I was too busy making sure my pants were still dry after the terrifying landing.

You know those scenes in movies when sailors finally reach the coast, and they lie face down in the sand, basking in the glory of earth? I felt like that. Really.  I thought about laying down on the airport floor when we landed, and kissing the carpet with exclamations of "land!" I concluded however, that I didn't want to mess with the germs, or hold up the line.

Not today, anyway.

What is going on with me? How much more un-alyssa can I get? (And yes, I've noticed that the term "un-alyssa" seems dramatic; kind of like "un-american", but all about me, making it sound like I worship myself. I actually don't; and in case you were wondering, I'm very patriotic.) It's just that turbulence never used to bother me. I used to laugh at people who got airsick. And look at me: I'm sitting in an airport, waiting to board yet another flight, and I've got my insides all twisted up. And I miss my sweet husband so so badly right now, it kind of hurts. And it's not hunger. I already tried eating.

But I'm not needy, or a scardy cat.

Just so you know.